Captain Jack

10 Oct

We looked at a major on Monday and sergeant on Tuesday, so today we turn our attention to a captain.

Billy Joel’s Captain Jack is not a name that would come to mind quickly when identifying rock’n’roll characters who would make good political candidates. After all, he is a heroin dealer who preys upon suburban teenagers. As we know from the song:

Captain Jack will get you high tonight
And take you to your special island
Captain Jack will get you by tonight
Just a little push, and you’ll be smilin’

So why bother to include him on our list? Fairness. Everyone deserves a chance to be voted up or down – and it’s a definite thumbs down for Captain Jack. The only folks attracted to him are his drug addicted followers – and Joel’s lyrics make it clear that they all are losers. The sit at home and masturbate, pick their noses and still live at home with mothers who make their beds. Not to mention the father who is found in a swimming pool.

Joel wrote Captain Jack as an anti-drug song after observing affluent teenagers falling victim to heroin. “…so many friends shoveled under the Long Island dirt. The miracle of modern chemistry killed them if Vietnam didn’t,” he wrote in the liner notes of his Songs in the Attic album.

Quick decision: Captain Jack gets high marks as a powerful anti-drug song that has stood the test of time. As a candidate, no way can he be taken seriously.

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One Response to “Captain Jack”

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  1. All POTUSongs « POTUSongs - October 13, 2012

    […] Captain Jack […]

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